<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>My Dear Mina... by cl4r1sl0p</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24867460">My Dear Mina...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cl4r1sl0p/pseuds/cl4r1sl0p'>cl4r1sl0p</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ethanessa - Fandom, Penny Dreadful (TV), eva green - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Episode: s01e05 penny dreadful, Other, The letter Vanessa writes to Mina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:20:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,257</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24867460</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cl4r1sl0p/pseuds/cl4r1sl0p</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Season 1, Episode 5, letter Vanessa writes to Mina, complete made by me. Fanfic.</p><p>My Dear Mina.<br/>Dear friend, I started these letters when I recover from my illness.<br/>Spanish version on my profile.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ethan Chandler &amp; Vanessa Ives, Ethan Chandler/Vanessa Ives, Mina Harker/Vanessa Ives, The Demon (Penny Dreadful)/Vanessa Ives, Vanessa Ives - Relationship, Vanessa Ives/Sir Malcolm Murray, mina murray - Relationship, mina murray/vanessa ives, penny dreadful - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>My Dear Mina...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Spanish version on my profile.<br/>Sorry for my English, no is my lenguage.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My Dear Mina:</p><p>Dear Friend, I started these letters when I recovered from my illness.</p><p>At first, I wrote one every month, then one every week, and at the end one a day, soon, without a doubt I will do nothing but write to you, chaining the end of one letter with the beginning of the next, in an endless chain of words.</p><p>I write with the hope that one day you can answer me and everything can go back to the way it was before ... I know it's impossible.</p><p>I don't remember any sadness in our youth. Was there ever? Dear Mine, On the horizon perhaps? Or was it all sandcastles and beaches by the sea? Such thinking is naive, I know. But aren't memories always?</p><p>We are going to try to get as far as possible ... Do you remember?</p><p>Were there ever two families as close as ours? I don't remember a day when the door between our houses was closed.</p><p>Until the day it closed forever ...</p><p>Those welcome parties are what I remember the most, it was our real vacation. My parents were always welcome at the table. Your father always returned with gifts for everyone and African sunburns, but what was most exceptional of all were his adventure stories, which I had no doubt, that adorned them for our ears. Peter's eyes lit up, he saw that wonderful future he imagined with his father.</p><p>But despite our kinship, dear Mina, we were not alike. The mysteries of my Catholic Church were alien to both you and your family.</p><p>If I had been older, I would have noticed more things. Underneath the laughter, underneath all that effusiveness, in the trivial conversations, there was a kind of tension, right? Something strange between two families so well-aired.</p><p>No.</p><p>It was rather the feeling of something. Like when you scream into a well and in the echo it seems that there is something hidden, stranger.</p><p>Maturity, perhaps ...</p><p>And that terrible night, the one that all happened, was there something particularly important at that dinner?</p><p>No, not that I remember.</p><p>I honestly thought I'd meet you and Peter at the next corner of that bush maze, playing a prank on me.</p><p>My mother and your father.</p><p>It was something beyond the simple impression, the sinful, the forbidden act, all at once. Enjoy it.</p><p>Already in my room something was whispering to me. I heard.</p><p>Maybe it was always there, that thing, my demon inside or on my back, waiting for me to turn around.</p><p>I have never told you what I saw, how could I? There was no need for you to grow so fast, you would not have endured it, or so I said to myself, or capable I enjoyed the secret, like a hidden sin. But in me there was a change, I would always remember that night in the maze.</p><p>Perhaps they were always there, the small acts of evil, harmless of course, something that any girl would do, she repeated to me that they were nothing more than mischief.</p><p>But I knew they were something else, of course they did ...</p><p>And as we grew older, and you became more beautiful, I had no doubt that you would find a gentleman with an elegant mustache first. A gallant young officer, what a beautiful couple they made.</p><p>It was around the time that Peter got that ridiculous beard.</p><p>I watched your courtship with Captain Branson flourish. All the advances and setbacks.</p><p>I always thought I was the stronger of the two, but in that regard, you were stronger. How could I not fall in love?</p><p>I think that at that table you marked your future. Suddenly he spoke of India and I saw how you left.</p><p>When would I see you again?</p><p>Wasn't India too far away? What would I do? Marry Peter?</p><p>God how I envied you, maybe even hated you ...</p><p>How was it possible that while always being so docile and accommodating, you were going to enjoy the most wonderful adventures before me?</p><p>You knew what love was, that a man touched you, while I, the bravest of the two, knew nothing of life.</p><p>Peter's talk in the labyrinth that afternoon did not ease my interior, he told me that your fiance would be the perfect husband for you, although like me , he did not like the idea of you going to India because it was very hot there, I I laughed and asked him what he thought Africa would be like? -by the heat- but he just evaded the topic.</p><p>The same to your father every time Peter asked him. For my part, I suggested that he stop insisting, although he knew it was his dream and he was not going to give up.</p><p>I also know that he does it so as not to disappoint your father, Peter always stressed that he was never the son your father wanted him to be, always ill, denied in all sports.</p><p>Then I said I needed someone more like .. .</p><p>I interrupted him asking - me? - to which he only responded with a smile, that shy smile that we already know and made me realize something, something that he denied? He said to me: -When I leave you will be alone, you will be sad.</p><p>At that moment my defense mechanisms did the only thing I could ... kiss him, collide our lips, my first kiss with a man, it was horrible, the rejection I had on his part, I already knew that it was not reciprocated; Peter excused himself and left.</p><p>If I could go back, I would run after him and tell him; - do not go, do not go to Africa, you will never survive you are weak, beautifully weak, Peter . I love you for your weakness.</p><p>Because at that moment, Mina, I saw the future clear ...</p><p>That night I tried to pray, God did not answer me, but someone else did.</p><p>And she said to me: "Soon, my daughter, what fun we will have."</p><p> </p><p>You would never be happier than that weekend, the next morning you would be married, one more night like Miss Mina Murray, before you became Mrs. De Charles Branson.</p><p>It didn't seem important to lose your identity. Maybe I already did it for you.</p><p>That same night, that inner demon we could say took over me, I am sure he was not aware of what he was doing, but at the same time I wonder if he had not been there? Had the devil been determined to do it at all cost? Would I have done that which marked a before and after in our lives, my dear Mina?</p><p>I took your fiance to the room where we dissected animals in our early youth, he followed me, did he trust me?</p><p>I was surprised, it shows that you had not told him about our activity, I showed Ariel, the eagle which I did, I told him the trick he used to create his realism in the eyes, after that it was no longer me ...</p><p>I just remember seeing your face when you realized that your fiancé and your sister, your best friend, me. We were in the sexual act, I remember that I could not stop looking at you and since he did not stop ...</p><p>The next day he left just like your innocence, just like our friendship; years of trust, years of brotherhood.</p><p>I wanted to go talk to you, tell you or what happened, try to fix things, although deep down I knew that nothing was fixed anymore. My mother tried to stop me, I knew it was all my fault, wasn't it? I did not know, I did not know it.</p><p>At that moment I reproached my mother for knowing about her with your father, I left her and went looking for you. Upon reaching the door that connected our houses , your father was waiting for me, I asked to see you; He did not leave me, but then he said something that I will never forget in my life. –I always thought that my trips would end my family, for being away so long, my inconsideration… I never imagined that I would be a cruel girl.</p><p>He closed the door, that door that for years was open.</p><p>I felt tears streaming down my face, watching as Sir Malcolm walked away and therefore you did too.</p><p>The road to my house was hard, I felt that the world was ending, from one moment to the next I felt very bad and everything became dark.</p><p>When the disease came, it was absolute, he was not aware of almost anything. The doctors could not explain it. Because it was inexplicable.</p><p>He had days when everything was chaos and others everything calm.</p><p>One of those days when I could not even speak because of the physical pain I had, were the calm days, although in reality we did not know if they were the best or the worst, I had no appetite, my mother, my poor mother tried unsuccessfully to give me To eat, that day she told me a few things among them that the doctors were almost sure that my disease was not epilepsy and what I had - as I mentioned - they did not know what I had, which made her angry, she loved me, He could feel it, she was his only daughter. Then she went from rage to crying when I mention that the specialists told her it could be my brain, something inside me.</p><p>After that he told me that you were gone, that you did not want to be there, he told me that it was better that we did not talk about it, but at that moment he was the one who gave up for lost, I did not say anything, he was still, he could not speak had no strength.</p><p>He told me that your parents did not want to talk to them and therefore my parents to yours, no matter how hard they tried, when I tried, it was not welcome.</p><p>It really hurt me the contempt I felt when I saw how they blamed my parents for something that was the only responsible for me, things changed a lot in such a short time.</p><p>My mother suffered my ordeal as much as I did, she understood less than the doctors, she had a daughter in a bed, sedated, who did not eat or speak. He told me that we were going to consult a specialist in London, he decorated my trip saying that a change of scenery would do us good, it was good until I mentioned that near the place where we would stay there was a clinic, which was well known for treating women with mental disorders, to which I replied -A manicomi o- I looked at her - I'm not crazy, mother. I am not unhappy. You should let me die - at that moment my dear mine, was all I longed for. My mother broke down in tears.</p><p> </p><p>We traveled to London, but the truth is that I remember few things about what happened.</p><p>For having unusual physical efforts –which my mother pointed out to him that they were not– I was diagnosed as: Hysteria of a Psychosexual Nature.</p><p>The treatments consisted of narcotics and staged hydrotherapy, since cold water compresses the circulation to the brain, thus reducing metabolism and motor activity.</p><p>My mother asked what happened if that did not work, if that treatment did not work, to which the doctor replied that if he did not see improvements, there was the surgical option.</p><p>And there I spoke for the first time since we had arrived saying- yes, let's do that.</p><p>Then I don't remember anymore I just know that the doctor asked to be alone with me, it was the worst, I had an outbreak and I was admitted to that horrible place where it is never day or night, where there were no windows and if you went out I was dead or with a worse motor or psychological trauma.</p><p>I remember the occasional treatment, such as that of the bathtub with water and ice, a lot of ice. No matter how much she screamed or cried, the treatments were not interrupted, most of the time she was sedated, asleep or was not aware of what she was doing.</p><p>As I repeat again those five months were hard, I do not remember half of the things.</p><p>Another treatment which put me against a cold wall and tied my hands like Christ on the cross, while with an industrial hose they threw cold water at me.</p><p>Try to lie, try to infringe being who they wanted you to be.</p><p>But I only managed to get them to gag me so I wouldn't scream, the straitjacket, the loneliness, all I wanted was for it to be over.</p><p>The treatments did not stop at any time, they were not giving results, I knew they would not, so they had no choice but surgery.</p><p>They cut my hair, they shaved me, everything was horrible, I felt that my God had abandoned me, I could only wait for death.</p><p>Then everything was null, I lost all notion, the surgery took a couple of hours, after that I don't remember anything else.</p><p>I know that a few weeks later I returned to my house, but it was obvious that it had not worked, one night, another that I will never forget.</p><p>Peter came to my house to say goodbye, he had finally convinced your father, so I can go with him to Africa. My parents had not heard from yours in months. He asked to see me and my mother left him, she knew that it would do me good to see him, I advise him to speak to me, I could not speak, I could not move, I was in a null state. She asked my mother for permission if she could sit next to me, once she came up to me and told me the good news, that she was going to Africa, that she would finally have the adventure that she longed for so much and that we always talked about. I was so excited ...</p><p>The only thing I could manage to tell him was that he should have kissed me that time in the bush maze; I asked him to kiss me, he did but I knew he was doing it out of pity.</p><p>And at that moment I saw it, I saw the future again, I felt it so clear, clearer than before and I told him: -You are going to die there, you are going to die there.- Then I lost the notion .</p><p>The events of that night could not get worse, but they did .</p><p>I remember the figure of your father, although I knew it wasn't him, was he delusional? Of course not. I cannot put into words what actually happened, I can only say that I let myself go and that had the worst consequence.</p><p>My mother, she shouldn't have gone up to my room, she shouldn't have been watching me that night.</p><p>I will always blame myself for his death, it is something I will never impersonate.</p><p> </p><p>My father was never the same after that ... he blamed me , even though he didn't say so.</p><p>He passed away a few years later. That same day, after her funeral, I decided to go for a walk on the beach we used to go when we were girls, even if the day was not for it, but you already know, my dear Mina. Do you remember it?</p><p>It was in that place where we met again, where you contacted me to ask for help, you told me that every sin I have committed had been forgiven with the suffering I lived, to which I replied that it was more than I deserved but I could not forgive myself. the sins I committed.</p><p>It was there that you told me that you had married, a lawyer, who was a good man and loved you, his name was Jonathan Harker. I am very happy for you. Then you mentioned to Peter that he had died not long ago, as I had already predicted, but, what made me realize everything was what you said next. "If only you had run after him, that day in the maze, you had clung to him, you loved him for his weakness." At first I thought he had come to tell you something, but then I realized that you knew because you had entered my mind.</p><p>Without understanding and to confirm what was really happening, puzzled I asked how you knew that. Your eyes reddened and you spoke of the master.</p><p>It was you, but it was also him. You told me his request and then it was you again, my innocent Mina, you asked me for help, to save your life, to save you from him.</p><p>A few years later, which I spent trying to find a way to help you as you asked me, I had the obligation to go in search of your father to London, the night was rainy, I waited soaked in the rain, praying that he would accept to receive me.</p><p>There I found out that he was also looking for you, I told him about our meeting and I confess that there was a time when he would have liked to kill me, but since it was useful to him to get to you now, I wasn't going to do it. He let me know that he would never forgive me for what I did to his family. His words were.-Forgiveness look for it in your Roman church, here you will not find any of that.</p><p>I confronted him by asking him. -Do you imagine by everything I go through? How do you think everything was for me? Because for me it was an unforgivable violation that has marked me for life.</p><p>I got up ready to go, as I walked to the entrance I told him that he knew nothing about blood, that he had never really walked among corpses and that not only have I seen that, if not more, things that normal people would call nightmares.</p><p>I told him that he was a weak, detestable, lustful and conceited man, he told me that he knew nothing of what he had lived in Africa, I asked him , How dare you speak to me about death if you never lived it in your own flesh?</p><p>Already at the door he told me . "Then let's talk about her together."</p><p>I offered to help him find you and when we did, I would leave, and move on.</p><p>Sir. Malcolm gave me lodging in his house, a bed and a meal, he let me stay here for the sole purpose of when you came I left. Now momentarily this was my home.</p><p>I do not expect exculpation from you, my fault is mine and I will carry it, it is my present and my future. I have cursed myself beyond this short life of mine, but I will not rest until you are safe. I have no other purpose in life.</p><p>Always love You.</p><p>Your Dear Friend, Vanessa.</p><p> </p><p>PD: Your father loves you very much and would do anything to save you, but I love you in a different way. I love you enough to kill you.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>